I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW EVERYTHING. FAR FROM IT.

These are the unedited, unintelligent thoughts I have at approximately 4:00 AM. Take them as you will, or don't take them. I wouldn't want to impose. 

20. There are many signs indicating that I'm beginning to feel tired. One reason that stands out is my growing interest in trying to turn off the lamp next to me with my toe. Also, I need to cut my toenails. Long toenails are unchill. 

19. It's fair to say that long toenails are unchill, right? It's fair to have opinions. I'm guessing that at least 98% of the population doesn't enjoy long toenails. What would it mean to "enjoy" a toenail? Good question, Connor. Good question.

18. Is it bad to talk to yourself at 4 AM? I feel like it's generally odd to talk to yourself for long periods of time, but it's somewhat acceptable past 3 AM. Even the Internet isn't interested in talking to you past 3 AM.

17. If I was going to be a supernatural animal, I think I'd want to be a werewolf. Werewolfs generally seem to be handsome when in human form, and I doubt I would struggle to grow facial hair if I was a werewolf.

16. Actually, I'd probably still struggle to grow facial hair if I was a werewolf.

15. My back itches, but I don't think that I'll reach to scratch it. This is probably a sign of laziness or great self-control. Yeah, I'm lazy.

14. I don't want to sound crazy, but I think the invention of electricity was pretty cool.

13. I'm perpetually disappointed when I see a picture of myself. I doubt Matthew McConaughey has this problem, and I also think he knows how to surf. You're a jerk, Matthew McConaughey.  

12. The best secret handshakes are the ones that no one else is aware of  (because they're so secret). 

11. If I say that I cried tears of joy, am I considered more masculine than someone who says they cried tears of sadness? I feel like that person should actually be considered more masculine, because the notion of sadness feels like a more legitimate reason to cry. Crying because of joy just seems kind of lame, when you think about it. 

10. I really wish that snowboarding was a more accessible sport. It's difficult to not look cool when snowboarding. 

9. I'm quietly contemplating. Is it possible to loudly contemplate? I feel like that would be the best of both worlds. 

8. I really wish we heard more about the least interesting man in the world. 

7. I think I would lift weights and exercise more if awesome 80's montage music was always playing in the background at the gym. 

6. If more people were awake at this time, would McGriddle sales rise or fall at McDonalds?

5. I have the inkling to listen to Celine Dion music, or at least to find out what "Celine Dion music" is. 

4. It's almost 5 AM now, but I have no plans to change the title of this article. 

3. The only sport in which my skill level has remained the same throughout my life (and probably always will) is miniature golf. I would think that'd be the case for most people. 

2. I want to give an inspirational speech to a group of random people in a crowded elevator. There's very little risk, and so much possible reward.

1. Coming up with a good conclusive statement to a series of random thoughts is a difficult task, so this sentence is what I decided upon. 

Have a good day, everyone.